Call Me Selfish, But I’m Still Chasing My Dreams (And Being a Damn Good Mom)

I remember the moment so clearly. I was standing there, rubbing my belly, talking to another mom about my plans after having a baby. “I’m going back to work,” I said. “I love what I do, and I don’t want to lose myself just because I’m becoming a mom.”

That’s when she dropped it—the passive-aggressive nuke wrapped in a sugar-coated compliment.

"I was telling my boyfriend that I admire how selfish you are."

Selfish.

WOWWWWWWWWWWWW.

But instead of taking cover, I smiled. “Thanks,” I said. “I think more moms should be selfish.”

And I meant it.

The Lie We’ve Been Sold About Motherhood

Somewhere along the way, we got fed this fairytale of self-sacrificing motherhood. You know the one—where the good mom is the one who gives up everything: her dreams, her career, her hobbies, her time, her sanity. She comes last so her children can come first.

And look, if that works for you—if it fills you up and makes you the happiest, most fulfilled version of yourself—then hell yes, mama, do you.

But that’s not me. And I know I’m not alone.

The truth is, being a mother doesn’t mean I suddenly stop being me. It doesn’t mean I stop wanting to create, to work, to chase the things that make me feel alive. It doesn’t mean I stop dreaming.

And if prioritizing that makes me selfish, then call me selfish all day long.

Why Moms NEED to Be Selfish

Let’s get one thing straight: When I say “selfish,” I don’t mean neglectful. I don’t mean tossing my kid a Lunchable and running off to a spa for a week (though, honestly, that doesn’t sound bad).

I mean taking care of myself. I mean setting boundaries. I mean saying, “Hey, I matter too.”

Because here’s the thing: Kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a happy mom. A fulfilled mom. A mom who has something left in her cup to pour into them.

And let’s be real—nobody benefits from a mother who is drained, resentful, and running on fumes.

I refuse to be a martyr for motherhood. And I refuse to teach my kids that moms are meant to disappear into their role, that their own future partners should give up everything to parent. I want to raise children who know that following your passions and taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

The Backlash of Being a “Selfish” Mom

The moment you say you’re going to continue working, pursuing your goals, or—gasp—taking time for yourself, some people will clutch their pearls and whisper about your priorities.

Because god forbid a woman—a mother—put herself on the list of things that matter.

You’ll hear:

🙄 “Why even have kids if you don’t want to raise them?”

🙄 “I could never leave my baby all day.”

🙄 “They grow up so fast—aren’t you afraid you’ll miss everything?”

And here’s what I say to that: I am raising them. I am there. I am not missing anything—I am making sure that when they look at me, they see a mother who is fully alive.

I refuse to teach my kids that being a parent means abandoning yourself. Because one day, my children might become parents too. And I want them to know that they are still allowed to be them.

So Yeah, I’m Selfish. And I’m a Damn Good Mom.

That woman thought she was insulting me when she called me selfish. She thought she was reminding me to feel guilty for wanting more than motherhood.

But here’s the secret: Motherhood isn’t about choosing between yourself and your kids. It’s about making space for both.

So go ahead. Call me selfish. Say it with your whole chest.

Because if prioritizing my happiness makes me a selfish mom, then honey, I’ll wear that title like a badge of honor.

And I hope more moms do the same.