Are We the Drama? A Real Conversation About Motherhood, Friendship, and Expectations
I keep hearing the same thing from moms:
“No one shows up for me anymore.”
“My friends disappeared after I had kids.”
“People don’t care about me or my child.”
And listen, before anyone gets defensive…I get it.
Motherhood can feel lonely as hell.
It does change your relationships.
It does expose who’s there for you and who’s not.
That part is real. That part deserves to be said out loud.
But…
I’ve been sitting with this for a while now, and I need to say something a little uncomfortable:
What if sometimes…we’re not just the ones being let down?
What if sometimes…we’re part of the disconnect too?
Let’s talk about it.
Before I had kids, my life was full.
Busy. Overwhelming at times. Constantly juggling multiple things at one time.
Now as a mom? It’s a different kind of full—but it’s still full.
And that’s where I think the conversation gets messy.
Because once we become moms, our world shifts in a way that feels all-consuming. Our kids become the center of everything. Every decision, every plan, every ounce of energy.
But just because our world changed…doesn’t mean everyone else’s did.
And I think sometimes, we forget that.
The part we don’t like to admit
There’s this subtle expectation that people should show up differently for us once we have kids.
That they should:
Make more effort
Be more understanding
Prioritize us in a new way
And when they don’t? It feels personal.
It feels like abandonment.
Like we’ve been left behind.
Like people don’t care.
But the truth is…a lot of people are just trying to survive their own lives.
Life is heavy right now—for everyone
People are working two, sometimes three jobs.
They’re building or starting businesses.
They’re barely keeping up with bills. (because respectfully, why is bread $5??)
Some are taking care of sick parents.
Some are navigating relationships, breakups, burnout.
Some are solo in ways we don’t even see.
And while motherhood is a massive, life-altering shift…
It’s not the only hard thing happening in the room.
The “people make time for what they want” conversation
Yes—effort matters.
Yes—people prioritize what’s important to them.
But I also think we’ve weaponized that phrase a little.
Because sometimes, it’s not about want.
Sometimes it’s about capacity.
Someone can love you deeply and still not have the time, energy, or mental space to show up the way you want them to.
And that doesn’t always mean they don’t care.
Main character energy (with love)
I say this as someone who has had to check herself: Motherhood can give us a little “main character energy.”
And honestly? It makes sense.
We’re carrying, raising, nurturing entire human beings.
That’s huge.
But sometimes that energy quietly turns into:
“My life is the most important thing happening right now.”
And while that may be true for us…
It’s not true for everyone else.
And when we expect it to be?
That’s where the friction starts.
I’ve had to check myself too
There have been moments where I’ve felt disappointed.
Where I thought:
“They should’ve come.”
“They should’ve checked in.”
“They should care more.”
And then I had to take a step back and ask myself:
Or…are they just doing the best they can?
Not everyone is going to show up the way we want.
Not everyone is going to prioritize our kids the way we do.
Not everyone is in a season where they can give more.
And that doesn’t automatically make them bad friends.
What if we led with more grace?
What if instead of keeping score…
We gave each other a little more room?
What if we:
Let go of rigid expectations
Appreciated the small ways people do show up
Accepted that friendships evolve in different seasons
Because the reality is: Adult friendships are hard. Motherhood is hard. Life is hard.
And most people?
Are just trying to keep their heads above water.
So…are we the drama?
Not always.
But not never either.
Maybe we’re not the problem…
But maybe we’re not always the victim.
Maybe it’s not about choosing sides at all.
Maybe it’s about recognizing that everyone is carrying something—and learning how to meet each other there.
I don’t have this all figured out.
I’m still learning. Still unlearning. Still catching myself.
But I do know this:
A little more grace—on both sides—could go a long way.
Have you ever felt this shift in your friendships too? Let’s talk about it.